u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
