Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
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P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
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My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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