what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
jump out the window naked night went bad
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