she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
