I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
