the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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