so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
