It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
