So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
