I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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