my mouth tastes like poor choices
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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