I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
