Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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