If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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