Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
