Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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