I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
