Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
