bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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