well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
