I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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