its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
