So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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