I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just found a bag of teeth...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
