you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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