Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
