i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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