I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
