They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
