He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we have officially lost it.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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