Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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