i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
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No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
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Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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