I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
