Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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