OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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