I wish I could teleport
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
