slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
