hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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