and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
