Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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