I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
