So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
