Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
