...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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