So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
