So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
