My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
