you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
