how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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