Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
