New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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