I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
