First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
