I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
