I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
