Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
