We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My pussy is not your playground.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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