when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
