After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
you're hired as official boob wrangler
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
