Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
