just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
