im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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