My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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