If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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