drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
