Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
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Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
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I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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