called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
be right there i have to get my cape
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
