he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
