Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
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Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
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I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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