Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
