Only a mothe r could love this liver
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
