Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
